Toronto Victory in Game One Draws a Strong Presidential Reaction

When the Toronto Blue Jays took Game 1 of the 2025 World Series in a resounding 11-4 fashion, the cries from a certain Truth Socialist south of the border were almost immediate.

“FIXED GAME!!! There is NO WAY the lame Canada Blue Jays beat the USA team, everyone could see that,” US President Donald Trump “truthed” at 3:16 am. “The worst team in baseball, everyone says, playing in Crappy Canada with CROOKED referees. Your favorite president is not going to stand for this! I am increasing tariffs on all Canadian stuff coming into this country by 450%, effective IMMEDIATELY. Thank you for your attention to this matter.”

Less than an hour later, someone must have told him who they beat.

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With Trump In Attendance, You Won’t See This at The Super Bowl

When Super Bowl LIX kicks off on Sunday, security is expected to be extremely tight for a number of reasons. The game is a prime terrorism target due to its massive reach, and it will be packed with celebrities, from Taylor Swift to Donald Trump. But one group of well-trained security personnel are there for a very specific reason.

“The President’s exact order was: ‘If any of those bastards kneel, they’ll be begging Allah at Guantanamo before the word “canyousee” is sung’,” said a White House source.

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