When Super Bowl LIX kicks off on Sunday, security is expected to be extremely tight for a number of reasons. The game is a prime terrorism target due to its massive reach, and it will be packed with celebrities, from Taylor Swift to Donald Trump. But one group of well-trained security personnel are there for a very specific reason.
“The President’s exact order was: ‘If any of those bastards kneel, they’ll be begging Allah at Guantanamo before the word “canyousee” is sung’,” said a White House source.
Dubbed Kneel Team 6, this crack group of retired commandos and newly-freed Proud Boys will be patrolling the sidelines during the national anthem and after, primed to pounce on any player whose knee hits the turf.
“Not during the normal course of playing the game, though,” the source said. “Recovering from hard tackles and ball shots the like is fine. Just none of that uppity stuff.”
The president is also expected to take the stage during Kendrick Lamar’s halftime show to dazzle the crowd with his Trump Dance moves.
Kickoff for the game between the Kansas City Chiefs and the Philadelphia Eagles is set for 6:30 PM EST on Sunday.
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