Foothold: Lindsey Graham, Part II

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Whether it was the Sunday morning political shows or knocking down geriatric senators to claim the closest available mic first, Lindsey Graham loved to make the news.

Being dead hasn’t slowed him down much in that regard.

Plans to bury Graham at the Trump National Golf Course in Charlotte, NC abruptly fell through last week when someone on the White House staff suddenly figured out that the former SC senator would probably not be warmly welcomed in NC soil, regardless of the size of Trump’s tax break for putting him there (see also, Ivana Trump, Bedminister). A late night burial plotting session among Trump advisors came up with what even Trump had to agree was a damn good place to park the former politician.

And Greenland found itself in the news again.

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Bondi’s Congressional Outbursts Bad, But They Were Only Plan B

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More than a week after lighting up the congressional hearing where she was called to perform, US Attorney General Pam Bondi and her staff still find themselves executing high fives and giggle uncontrollably at random moments throughout their days. The hours-long masterclass put on by the attorney general was an almost perfect blend of fourth-grade schoolyard scrapping, redneck drunken insults, and in your face MAGA domination.

Almost.

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Homeland Security’s Noem Announces Plan to Reign-In Shootings

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When Border Patrol Chief Gregory Bovino was pulled from his job after a series of inept shootings and other altercations involving protesters, other administration officials began to sense that his wasn’t the only job at risk. Chief among them was Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem, who quickly began formulating ways that she could protect her own position and avoid what she has begun to call in private “another fucking Cricket problem.”

By Tuesday, she had a plan.

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White House Launches Film Festival to Commemorate MLK Jr. Day

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When news broke over the weekend that President Trump would be adding a new section to the White House website to celebrate Martin Luther King Jr. Day, many Americans were surprised. An administration that actively courts white South Africans and northern Europeans in its immigration pushes would not typically be counted on to celebrate the life and work of an African-American leader cut down in his prime.

Many Americans were hopeful that this moment sparked a new direction for this White House. One of potential. One of hope.

And then came Monday morning.

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The Trump Kennedy Center: New Shows Announced for the 2026 Season

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The Trump Kennedy Center has had a few months.

It seems like every day that another act cancels on the newly-minted Trump Kennedy Center. From a Hamilton run to Bela Fleck, The Cookers to Peter Wolf, acts are expressing their displeasure at the administration’s politicizing of the Center by refusing to play at it.

While the news has been generally bad for the Center recently, there have been a few bright spots, according to the new Trump Kennedy Center Press Secretary Ian Johnson.

“It is only the snowflake loser acts that are canceling,” said Secretary Johnson at a Wednesday press conference. “Our calendar is filling fast with acts that will resonate with the American public much better than a bunch of DEI ‘performers’. And note my air quotes!”

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Soy Farmers Find Themselves in Kennedy’s HHS Sights

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Soy bean farms in America have had, suffice it to say, a rough year.

After voting almost en-masse for Donald Trump in his second presidential run, they have been pummeled by rising tariffs that have caused the price of everything from fertilizer to farming equipment to rise. The same tariffs have shrunk their markets, driving massive buyers like China into the arms of Argentina, a country that Trump just gave $40 billion to.

Add in the ICE raids that have evaporated their nearly slave-wage workforce, and soy bean farmers in American have had a very rough year, indeed.

Hold my beer, says US Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

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Toronto Victory in Game One Draws a Strong Presidential Reaction

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When the Toronto Blue Jays took Game 1 of the 2025 World Series in a resounding 11-4 fashion, the cries from a certain Truth Socialist south of the border were almost immediate.

“FIXED GAME!!! There is NO WAY the lame Canada Blue Jays beat the USA team, everyone could see that,” US President Donald Trump “truthed” at 3:16 am. “The worst team in baseball, everyone says, playing in Crappy Canada with CROOKED referees. Your favorite president is not going to stand for this! I am increasing tariffs on all Canadian stuff coming into this country by 450%, effective IMMEDIATELY. Thank you for your attention to this matter.”

Less than an hour later, someone must have told him who they beat.

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Surprise! Government Shutdown Also Slamming MAGA Voters

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While the current federal shutdown is starting to affect Americans of all political stripes, some avid MAGA voters admit that they are surprised that Democrats won’t be the only ones hurting.

“It was kind of a shock to tune into the ‘Sick Cures with RFK Jr.’ podcast and find it hasn’t been updated,” said Randy, a voter from Arkansas. “Particularly because last week’s episode ended halfway through the Ivermectin IV tutorial. And this upcoming episode was support to start Fart Therapy week. What the hell? Fix this, President Trump!”

For Jean from Sacramento, what her and her three daughters really miss is the weekly Melania MyPillow Story Hour.

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