Business

Soy bean farms in America have had, suffice it to say, a rough year.

After voting almost en-masse for Donald Trump in his second presidential run, they have been pummeled by rising tariffs that have caused the price of everything from fertilizer to farming equipment to rise. The same tariffs have shrunk their markets, driving massive buyers like China into the arms of Argentina, a country that Trump just gave $40 billion to.

Add in the ICE raids that have evaporated their nearly slave-wage workforce, and soy bean farmers in American have had a very rough year, indeed.

Hold my beer, says US Secretary of Health and Human Services Robert F. Kennedy Jr.

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Soybean farmers across the country are beginning to feel the pinch of President Trump’s continuing tariff wars. This has become particularly acute in light of China’s decision to forgo US soybeans and buy from more stable countries, such as Argentina.

Farmers praying for help from the administration had their prayers sort-of answered on Friday, but it was not in the form of the monetary bailouts that many had been counting on.

“Corn mazes are huge, and what seasonal fun! Why not soybean mazes?” asked Acting Undersecretary of Agriculture Daniel “Rusty D” Jones at a Friday morning press conference.

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Cracker barrel, it is safe to say, has had an interesting couple of weeks.

First, they leapt onto the “minimalist branding” wagon by removing the familiar old man and barrel that had been on its logo since 1977. Queue the large outcry from the small number of online posters who feel existentially threatened by such moves.

And they were successful, these shit-posters. The company’s stock plunged. Late night comedians made jokes. And less than 10 days after changing to the more simplified logo, Cracker Barrel changed the logo back to the original old man/cracker barrel design. They also removed DEI and Pride pages from their website in an attempt to “un-woke” itself as much as possible.

And they weren’t done.

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