When former President Trump stood on stage at his Monday rally and swayed to music for nearly 40 minutes, everybody had their own theory as to why. For Trump supporters, he was just winging it and having fun, or was dancing out of concern for those who had passed out at the rally. Commentators on the left claimed that it was just more proof that the former president has dementia, or some other age-related condition.
All theories. But one person knows the real reason why.
South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem.
Trump looked entranced by the incident, the dwindling audience seemed mostly bored, but Governor Noem appeared to be at times uncomfortable, unsure how to proceed, and even horrified. For she knew the body language, the lethargic swaying movements, the knowing looks the former president was giving her. Governor Noem knew it could only be one thing.
Fucking Cricket.
“She hasn’t seen the dog since she shot it in her gravel pit, but yeah, she knows,” says a confidential source within the campaign. “According to the Governor, President Trump was possessed for a period of time Monday night by her dead dog, Cricket.”
And was he?
“Damned if I know,” the source said. “It makes about as much sense as President Trump slowly rocking and wordlessly muttering to ‘YMCA’ and ‘I Like Big Butts’ for the better part of an hour. And to be honest, if it comes down to being possessed by Cricket or lapsing into some form of McConnell fugue, I think I know which way President Trump would prefer it to go.”
Not so Governor Noem, who has barricaded herself into the South Dakota governor’s mansion, afraid of both the ghost of Cricket and the growing belief that the spirit of her former pet will haunt her for the rest of her life.
“At least politically, I can’t say she’s wrong there,” the source confided.
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