Trump on Arlington: “The Tenants Hate It There!”

On the surface, former president Trump is downplaying his team’s recent altercation with staff at the Arlington National Cemetery.

Behind the scenes, it’s a bit different.

“It’s a horrible, horrible place. The staff is horrible. That nasty woman on the staff, being mean to my team,” Trump recently confided to a source within his campaign. “Terrible service, I couldn’t even get a diet Coke. Can you believe it? And the tenants hate it there!”

The landscaping in particular caught Trump’s eye and ire.

“All those white plus signs on the a stupid lawn, horrible!” Trump said, before promising to fix the problem when he is elected.

“Golden statues – Jesus, Lincoln, Lee, me – all over. Maybe a snack bar or two. And you know, I bet you could squeeze nine holes in there somewhere. A very playable surface, very nice, although those plus signs. What a terrible hazard. We might have to move those around some,” Trump said.

“People buried on golf courses. I know about these things, more than anyone, probably!”

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