Politics

War on Gangs Snares Kool & The Gang Cover Band

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Within the past two weeks:

  • The last remaining member of Sparky & Our Gang is forced into hiding.
  • The Old Trump Gang, a seniors bridge league in Tallahassee, is dragged away in handcuffs.
  • A Kool & The Gang cover band from Wheeling, West Virginia is having anything but a Celebration in an ICE holding cell in Waco, Texas.
  • The Toledo, Ohio Gang Bango Swingers Club is raided five times by various departments of the US Government, including the HHS, DHS, IRS, and TNA (a subsidiary of Elon, Inc).

What’s going on?

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With Trump In Attendance, You Won’t See This at The Super Bowl

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When Super Bowl LIX kicks off on Sunday, security is expected to be extremely tight for a number of reasons. The game is a prime terrorism target due to its massive reach, and it will be packed with celebrities, from Taylor Swift to Donald Trump. But one group of well-trained security personnel are there for a very specific reason.

“The President’s exact order was: ‘If any of those bastards kneel, they’ll be begging Allah at Guantanamo before the word “canyousee” is sung’,” said a White House source.

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As Dixville Notch Votes to a Tie, Trump’s Legal Team Springs to Action

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When the tiny town of Dixville Notch, NH closed its doors at 12:07 AM and counted up the vote, the result surprised few who had been paying attention to the election the past few weeks: a tie, three votes for Harris, three votes for Trump.

What came next surprised everyone. Or maybe no one.

“STOP THE COUNT!” former president Trump posted on his Truth Social account at 12:12 AM.

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Trump Dance: Was it Empathy, Dementia… Ghosts?

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When former President Trump stood on stage at his Monday rally and swayed to music for nearly 40 minutes, everybody had their own theory as to why. For Trump supporters, he was just winging it and having fun, or was dancing out of concern for those who had passed out at the rally. Commentators on the left claimed that it was just more proof that the former president has dementia, or some other age-related condition.

All theories. But one person knows the real reason why.

South Dakota Governor Kristi Noem.

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Trump on Arlington: “The Tenants Hate It There!”

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On the surface, former president Trump is downplaying his team’s recent altercation with staff at the Arlington National Cemetery.

Behind the scenes, it’s a bit different.

“It’s a horrible, horrible place. The staff is horrible. That nasty woman on the staff, being mean to my team,” Trump recently confided to a source within his campaign. “Terrible service, I couldn’t even get a diet Coke. Can you believe it? And the tenants hate it there!”

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Could Aliens Upend Harris/Trump Race? Depends on Their Mood

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If spaceships full of aliens were to suddenly pierce the clouds and land in the middle of Akron or Raleigh, their overall intentions towards humanity could have a profound effect on the upcoming US presidential election. This is according to a just-released survey by the independent polling group, Basic State Polling. According to the latest … Read more

Trump Was Bad At NABJ. It Was Almost Worse.

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When former president Trump addressed the National Association of Black Journalists (NABJ) on Wednesday, he created so many head-turning moments that it was almost impossible to select the worst. Was it when he referred to the journalists’ questions as “stupid and racist”? Or criticized his introduction as “very rude”? Or when he claimed that Vice President Harris was Indian, then “turned Black”?

As bad as all these were, it could have been worse. According to one source, he almost came on-stage in blackface.

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